But I always do something I regret when I do drugs.
I haven't had a real actual like goooood gooooooooood time on them yet, and I am beginning to think it's just not for me.
I mean, I had an amazing night last night; good friends, bangin salad hah, transform, good stuff. But I said some things, and did some things I shouldn't have. Like what I texted to a friend, and what I asked Danny for. I mean, I feel like a complete asshole, and I can't get it out of my head. I put way more stress on myself than I should be.
I just can't figure out why I did it, and it pisses me off. Ughh.
I feel like I owe everyone something, for doing so many nice things for me. But I can't repay anyone, and I can't figure out what to do to make up for my mistakes. And I really hate it when I regret things because everything happens for a reason, and you shouldn't regret anything.
But I can't get it out of my head. I can't stop thinking about it. I feel so, absolutely horrible.
Like to the point of wanting to buy these two people everything to make up for it.
Yet, everyone else has become so cruel, and so un caring. No one gives a shit anymore, and no one cares. How can we all live like this? How can we all be so rude to the people who would do anything for us? How can we just move on and not care about how the other person feels? We have all became monsters. Greedy, and disastrous.
But gifts can only go so far. I already did it, so what do I do now? What can I do to not feel like this anymore?
And the other people don't give a shit, so would my "i'm sorry's" and gifts even be worth it?
It's like my heart hurts, and in actuality it does. I've got a lump in my chest, and the urge to cry none the less.
and fuck it man, I fucking miss how things used to be.
Like, before drugs. Like before all the drama between my group of friends. I fucking miss it. Just chillin out, smoking dope and not giving a damn about anything or anyone. When we were all just good friends, just all sitting around talking about life, and not wanting to go home. because it felt so good to just get out and see people that were worth it.
I fucking miss talking on the phone with people as well. texting is so careless, and sometimes messages can be read the wrong way and what not. Texting just feels so informal to me, and so unpersonal.
These are the times I wish I didn't live at home. So I could just smoke a blunt, and chill out with good friend, and not give a damn.
fuck man. times are tuff, and I'm a wreck. Let's see how this year ends, shall we? That is, if I can make it through. Let's hope so.
