as in, i mess something up and always re-think over and over and over the next day on how i could have NOT messed that something up. as if i am trying to re-do that days mistake.
why is it that my brain is even thinking of yesterdays flaws, and why do i still have the want to fix them? why can i not let it go and move on to something different.
this weekend i was severely out of my mind. i honestly have never felt this before, and it was an experience unlike any other.
at first, it just seemed as if i was happy as one could be. but it was nothing more then my brain bleeding with chemicals and what not being fried.
the first day my body had slowed down. no, really. i was in slow mo the entire day. as if that wasn't weird enough, every time i heard water running, it sounded like marbles had been dropped onto a floor. or marbles pouring onto the floor is more like it.
the second day? oh right, like i remember anything from that day. i just remember being lost from everyone at all times. like, i lost you, you lost me, we lost them, they lost us type shit.
entirely too many people at one time.
my brain was basically on fire from being so happy. so happy that i forgot where we parked. but i did know where it was, but couldn't remember under the pressure when we needed to find the car at 1am in downtown Miami.
regardless, the ceiling that night was the best thing I've ever looked at in my entire life.
leaving created depression for about a week, and im finally over it thank god.
my body has not fully recouped.
i get these like, shakes. like i feel as if im falling forward, so i have to catch myself. i couldn't even walk in the park today because i twitched and my head vibrated. it felt heavy and nothing happy could be produced from my head.
i think the juice gave me hallucinations. or something did. not scary things. just peoples faces had looked scrunched up, and fucked up. it only lasted for a second, but was still unforgettable.
i do not think i can ever perform these actions again.
this recovery is disgusting.
i noticed how jealousy worked this weekend as well.
i realized that a line must be drawn, and that you can not help what feelings or actions happen.
but to show your ass on me was unbelievable, and unneeded.
do i do these things? do i act in a foolish manner when flirting comes about?
no. and if have, i will now never do it again.
i try to be as civil and easy going as possible.
but i can not help myself from gaining some hatred for you this weekend.
and i feel horrible for saying this. i do really.
I'm tweaked. Correction, I've been tweaked out for a while now.
Maybe it's time for a rest, and to gain some intelligence and common sense back.
